Always
by lunarchild62
Summary: The day after Sam left for Stanford, John almost lost his other son as well.


It was all surreal to John. Waking up the next day, he checked the boy's room and seeing for himself that indeed his youngest son was gone. Dean wasn't in his bed either and for a moment John panicked. He had just lost one son, was it possible he had lost the other as well? John was about to surrender to his worst fears when he decided to check to see if the Impala was missing. After seeing the car park out front of their rental house, John let out a huge sigh of relief. If the car was there, then Dean was there, somewhere. Dean loved that car, he would never leave it behind.

Heading straight for the car John assumed Dean had be inside sleeping in the back seat like he had done so many times in the past. It was where Dean always went to find refuge, where he always went when things got ugly between John and Sam and last night was as ugly as it could get.

But the car was empty.

John spun around in the driveway and headed back inside the house. Racing back to the boy's room he threw open the closet and was relieved by what he found. He knew Sam clothes would be gone, he'd watched Sammy stuff them angrily into his duffle bag. No his biggest fear was that Dean's clothes would also be missing, but they weren't. What few shirts and jackets Dean had were all still hung on the hangers. With a quick check under the bed, John found Dean's duffle bag, still filled with all his weapons. Then John pulled up Dean's pillow and found his prized knife was still there, gleaming against the sheet.

John heart began to race. Where the hell was Dean?

He walked through the house searching. There was no sign of struggle. No sign of sulfur, ash or any other sign of anything unnatural that could have gotten in during the night. No indication of his oldest son leaving against his will, which only meant one thing. Where ever Dean was, he went on his own accord.

John slumped in a chair next the kitchen table, his head in his hands. Last night he had two sons, this morning he had none. He shook his head in denial. Sam had left in one last horrible fight but Dean, Dean never left and when he did, John knew he never went far. Even when Sam and John got into the shoving match last night, Dean didn't make a move. He just stood back silently as Sam stormed to their room and pushed everything he owned into a duffle bag before taking off out the back door. He was still standing in the same spot when John came back inside after running out the back door after Sam. There was a look on his face, one. John had only seen once before and it had been years. It was the look John saw when he knelt by his son's side and told him his mommy had died in the fire. The pain in Dean's eyes haunted John for a long time afterwards and now it was haunting him again.

And now Dean was gone.

Had John finally broken his oldest son? Had all the years of trying to hold his family together finally taken its toll on Dean?

John rushed outside and jumped inside his truck. During the fight, Sam had let slip about the bus stop at the local diner and how often the bus left for out of town locations. There had only been one that night, the one that Sam had gotten on and one more in the morning. John took a chance and headed there hoping that if Dean was trying to get away he hadn't already gotten on a bus to who knows where. John slammed on the brakes in front of the diner and raced inside. A quick check at the ticket counter, and a talk with the attendant, revealed only one ticket had been sold that morning and the bus had already left. Slightly panicking, John thanked the attendant and whirled around.

"_Dean don't you dare do this to me."_

He was heading back out to his truck when he spotted a lone figure standing by the side of the road. The person, huddled against the morning chill, hands in his pockets, stood off to the side looking down the road out of town.

John knew instantly it was Dean.

He headed over to his son, not sure of the reaction he would get. Just as he was inches away Dean spun around and looked his father. The emotion reflected in Dean's hazel eyes cut John to his soul. There was anger, blame and finally sadness, all of which John knew was his fault.

"All you had to do was tell him you were proud of him, Dad, that's it. You could have let him have his dream and things would have been okay, but now…now I may never see my brother again. We could have made it work. With all the hunters you know, they could've kept an eye on him and that way you both would've been happy. Why'd you have to make it so he couldn't come back?"

"So what now, you gonna take off too?" John asked with sadness in this voice as he looked down and saw the bus ticket crumpled in Dean's hand.

"No…..where the hell am _I_ gonna go Dad? I tried, I really tried but it's not like I have any place else to go but with you." Dean answered, the truth brutal in its simplicity. Where else _would _Dean go? It's not like he ever dreamed of college, or a life outside of hunting. He never allowed himself those thoughts because it meant only one thing. Being away from the two people who meant the world to him. The be all and end of all of his existence. John stood stunned at his sons' admittance.

Dean took a final glance back down the road. He tossed the bus ticket to the ground, and shoved his hands back into his pockets. Turning around, he walked back to John's truck, and got inside. John silently joined him and they drove back to the house without another word between them.

Days and months went by. Sam's absence was always between them but never mentioned again. Periodically Dean knew John would make a call or they would take a side trip to Stanford to check on his younger brother. The side trips were the worst for Dean because he could see Sammy so close by and not be able to talk to him. What his father felt Dean couldn't tell.

One trip John made without Dean. He spent the whole day tailing his youngest son. Classes, a stop at the campus bookstore, a little fast food joint for lunch and then back to his apartment. Shortly after dark, a small car pulled up and pretty girl got out and went up to Sam's door. John watched as Sam gave the girl a quick kiss and pulled her into his apartment. Shortly after, the lights went on, and off in what John assumed was Sam's bedroom and then stayed off for the rest of the night. John smiled to himself. His son looked happy and so different from the other son he left behind.

There was a momentary pang of guilt when he remembered the look in Dean's eyes as Sammy slammed the door leaving that day. Was he ever going to see that kind of smile on his oldest sons face ever again. The only time he ever saw that smile was when the three of them were all together. Family…..That was what made Dean happy. A family that no longer existed , John accepted that now, because of him. Somehow, someday he would try to make it up to Dean.

Hearing his cell phone ring, he took one last look up at Sam's apartment before answering it. It was another hunter asking for help with a ghost in Utah. Getting the pertinent information he rang Dean with instructions on where to meet him and headed back to his truck. Dean would be waiting for him just as John had assumed he would. It was the one constant in John's life… Dean would always be there. Always.

The End

Authors note: Thanks for reading and please leave me a note. I'm not much of a writer so I can use all the feed back I can get.


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